you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
