Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
