I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
