also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
