How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
