I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
