dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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