remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
