you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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