One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The best revenge is premature balding
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
