the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
