Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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