I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
