Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
