Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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