Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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