Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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