what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
should my penis look like a turkey
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
