he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
