lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
