I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
