We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
