I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize