we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
