xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
