Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
