That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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