dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm both gender and math confused
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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