I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize