she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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