Do you still have your period?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize