got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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