I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
