Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
