Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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