i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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