Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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