Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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