hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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