Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
