i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize