So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
