I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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