your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize