Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
