I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
