You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
