So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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