Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
