you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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