Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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