is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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