its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
