Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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