you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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