he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
