Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sext me about skeletons
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
