Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
where are my eyebrows?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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