Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
