i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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