Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
