uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
