But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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