I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So squirting runs in the family.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
