wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
