dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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