It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
