If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
