Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
