I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
